The Power of Validation: Building Stronger Connections in Relationships

Picture this: You’ve had a long, draining day at work, and as soon as you walk through the door, you vent to your partner about how overwhelmed you feel. Instead of listening, they jump in with solutions: “Why don’t you organize your tasks better?” or “You should just tell your boss to back off.” Though they mean well, their response leaves you feeling frustrated and unseen. All you really wanted was to hear, “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much.”

This small moment highlights a powerful but often overlooked aspect of healthy relationships: validation.

What Is Validation?

Validation is the act of acknowledging and affirming someone’s feelings, thoughts, or experiences without judgment. It doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with their perspective; rather, it means you’re showing empathy and letting them know that their emotions are valid and understandable.

Validation sounds like:

• “That must have been so frustrating for you.”

• “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

• “Thanks for sharing this with me—it makes sense that you’re upset.”

  
  

At its core, validation communicates: I see you. I hear you. Your feelings matter.

Why Is Validation Important?

Validation fosters trust, emotional safety, and deeper intimacy in relationships. When people feel seen and understood, they’re more likely to open up and share authentically. This connection builds the foundation for resolving conflicts, supporting each other through challenges, and growing together.

On the flip side, invalidation—whether through dismissive comments, unsolicited advice, or minimizing feelings—can create distance, resentment, or feelings of isolation.

Why Do Some People Struggle with Validation?

For some, validation doesn’t come naturally. There are a few reasons why:

Environmental conditioning plays a significant role in shaping how we respond to emotions. Many people grow up in environments where feelings are downplayed or dismissed. Phrases like “Just get over it” or “Stop being so sensitive” send the message that emotions are inconvenient or unimportant. Over time, this conditioning teaches us to suppress our feelings rather than acknowledge and process them, making it difficult to validate the emotions of others.

Such experiences of chronic invalidation can lead to discomfort with emotions, which then hinders our ability to offer validation to others. Sitting with someone else’s intense feelings can feel overwhelming, especially if we haven't learned to process our own emotional experiences. This discomfort often leads to dismissing or minimizing their experience, even when we have good intentions. Unfortunately, such reactions often serve to soothe our own discomfort rather than genuinely supporting the other person.

Another common barrier to validation is the desire to fix or problem-solve. When someone shares their emotional struggles, it can be tempting to jump in with solutions rather than simply holding space for their feelings. While this impulse may stem from care and concern, it can unintentionally invalidate their experience by shifting the focus away from their emotional needs toward problem resolution.

How to Cultivate Validation in Your Relationships

Validation is a skill that can be learned and practiced. Here’s how you can start incorporating it into your relationships:

Practice Active Listening

Setting aside distractions, such as putting away your phone or turning off the TV, so you can be fully present. Instead of planning your response, focus on truly understanding their feelings and listening with empathy. Nonverbal cues, like nodding, maintaining eye contact, and offering an open, attentive posture, also signal that you are engaged and genuinely care about their experience.

Reflect Their Feelings

Instead of jumping to solutions, reflect back what you hear. For example, “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now.” or “I can see why that situation made you upset.”

This simple act shows that you’re tuned in to their experience.

Notice the Tendency to Dismiss or Minimize

Well-intentioned phrases like “It’s not a big deal” or “Don’t worry, it’ll get better” might come off as dismissive. Instead, acknowledge their emotions first, even if you’re trying to offer reassurance later.

Use Curiosity Instead of Judgment

My personal favorite! If you’re struggling to understand their perspective, ask open-ended questions to learn more:

• “Can you tell me more about what made you feel that way?”

• “What was the hardest part of that for you?”

• "What did that feel like?"

This encourages deeper connection and shows that you’re invested in their experience.

Validate Yourself First

Our ability to validate others is often tied to how well we validate ourselves. Practice acknowledging your own emotions without judgment - “It’s okay that I’m feeling anxious about this—it makes sense given the situation”. When you’re kind to yourself, you’re better equipped to extend that kindness to others.

Validation During Difficult Conversations

Validation is especially important—and often most challenging—during conflict. Here’s how to navigate tough conversations with validation:

• Pause and Breathe: When emotions run high, take a moment to calm yourself so you can respond thoughtfully.

• Acknowledge Their Perspective: Even if you disagree, find common ground in their feelings. For example: “I understand that you’re feeling hurt because of what I said.”

• Avoid “But” Statements: Saying, “I get that you’re upset, but…” undermines the validation. Instead, try: “I get that you’re upset. Let’s figure out how we can move forward.”

The Transformative Power of Validation

Validation is a simple yet profound way to strengthen your relationships. By practicing this skill, you can create an environment where both you and your loved ones feel safe, valued, and understood. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about showing up with empathy and a willingness to connect.

The next time someone shares something with you, take a moment to pause, reflect, and validate. It might just be the bridge that deepens your relationship in ways you didn’t think possible.